In over 30 years of a career in forensics and mental health, the faces and particulars were vast but one thing remained a near-constant…
People struggle to SHED THE SHIT of the past. Instead of moving forward in life, holding onto this “shit” steals our happiness and sucks the life out of our body, mind, and spirit.
For example, are you are struggling with forgiving a cheating spouse, a parent who abandoned you, a boss who belittled you, bullies from elementary school, etc? Are you dragging a heavy bag full of shame, guilt, grief, resentment and more?
While the situations vary, one thing remains a constant probability… the shit of the past can be so mentally debilitating that even a creating a bucket list can be a challenge – forget about actually getting it done.
So this begs the question… how do we finally SHED THE SHIT & MOVE ON?
No matter how hard we try – thinking and doing are two very different things.
Good intentions do not create action so these tips may help
(1) Focus on the future. It is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to let go of the past if you do not have a vision or goal for the future. Of course, the goals have to be realistic. In other words, it will just add fuel to the fire if your goal is to be a doctor and yet you refuse to go to college. This is great if you are 10 but, if you are 30, you may wish to rethink your goal options or consider going to college. Either way, realistic goals require knowledge, passion, and follow through – starting with the baby steps leading up to the big hoorah!
Yes, you will still get triggered – especially if the issue you are struggling to let go of still surfaces in your daily life. Friends with ex who cheated? Maybe it’s time to reevaluate your friends if it pisses you off and sends you back to the “Resentment Hotel” where you have spent so many nights.
(2) Purge your belongings… did you and the “ex that pisses you off so much” pick out that dining table? Put it on Craigslist. In other words, clean up the energy in your home – mentally and physically. Material items are, well, material. They can be replaced. Start with your smaller items and work up. It is best to do it when you are in the “victim mindset” (emotional) because that is exactly when you will find out what your triggers are.
(3) Apologize, accept, and forgive. WAIT – before you brush this one off, realize that apologizing is NOT an admittance of guilt or a surrender. It is simply a way to move past your past… to be a “bigger” you than you were before. Accept that you are NOT in control of anyone else’s actions or reactions – only yours.
Forgiveness is NEVER for the other person either and is ALWAYS for you. Somehow, if you had an altercation or unpleasant situation with someone in your past, YOU played a part in it too. Apologize for YOUR part and move on with your life.
(4) If you are a cursive writer, START PRINTING (and not in all CAPS)… and doing your best to keep your i-dots slightly on the right of the i-stem to remain future oriented and do so daily for a minimum of 3 months. This will help you finally… DITCH THE HEAVY SUITCASE FULL OF SHIT.
If you have tried all these and are still struggling… deeper things are at play. In that case I highly suggest you START HERE.
Remember… being a VICTIM is a choice and it gives your personal power away to the other person or people you are mentally or emotionally enslaved to. However, being a SURVIVOR is also a choice so which one are you?
Bottom line is that sometimes you just have to…
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